I'm a nice person. Nice, nice, nice. On the outside, anyway. Chances are, you are too. Which means we are well and truly cut off from the joy of insults. (Giving, of course, as opposed to receiving.) Think about it ... When was the last time you really enjoyed insulting someone - really savoured the syllables, letting them roll about your tongue, or flow down your arms to the quill clutched in your inkstained fingers? I wager it's been a while. I wager it's been too long, you frothy, beef-witted ratsbane ...I'm here today to help. From the kit below, start with the word "You" (or "Thou" if you prefer) then choose one epithet from each column and put them together in the way that gives you the most satisfaction. Because we're nice, we don't have to tell who the insult is for - but WE'LL know. Oh yes.
I don't know who first compiled this wonderful list - I copied it from www.londonshakespeare.org.uk, but it's available on all sorts of websites. All sorts of people have recognised the nice person's need and made an effort to supply it. So have a go. You have my permission. Concoct a ripe and rip-roaring insult to ease the cockles of your gleeking heart and add it to the Comments below.
You know you want to!
Joan Lennon's website.
Joan Lennon's blog.